Lace: remembrance.

Since medieval times, human society has treated the annual recurrence of dates of events of personal importance with a celebratory nature. It has become ingrained in our mentality to commemorate historical events, birth dates, weddings, and deaths.  Wedding anniversaries began during the Roman Empire when husbands would crown their wives with a wreath of silver on their 25th year of marriage.

I remember the date of my parents' wedding, September 10, 1977. I remember this date because I was 4 years old and a flower girl in the ceremony. You see I was getting a "new Dad" on that day. It was a beautiful sunny day and the small, intimate wedding was held near a flower garden in my new grandparents yard.  My mother wore a white sundress and the most elaborate silver lace-up platform sandals. I met my new aunt and cousins that day for the first time. I remember every small detail of that day, especially how in love my mother was with my new dad. We had already suffered through some very hard times, the two of us, and it was time for a new life. Things couldn't have been more perfect, and nothing could have ruined that day.  And today, still nothing can ever mar the pristine memory of my parents' wedding day.  I do not remember the day they split up, or what happened to get things there.

Over the course of many hours, days, and weeks, the dynamics of close relationships can change.  It does not mean there is less love than there was before, for this is impossible. In some cases it can mean that things never were meant to be in the first place, and in others it may mean that one person has decided to take responsibility for changing a negative pattern of some kind. In any instance, the end of a marriage carries long term painful ramifications for everyone involved. In most cases, the negative energy, anger and resentments grow to the point of completely overshadowing anything positive. However, the memory of the anniversary date can still be a pleasant one that carries the warmth and significance of the love, respect and admiration that was felt that day. Because no matter what happens, that memory still possesses the same meaning. In a sense, by allowing remembrance, healing can begin, and that day each year can continue to serve as a grateful and happy reminder of love and joy, rather than a painful one of loss and regret. Time and patience can heal all wounds, if we allow it.